Gold Yunnan Tea

A while back I wrote about tea, and how I like it to express the full rainbow of flavor. Well I did find one tea that expresses a short section of the color palette in great depth. That tea is Gold Yunnan.

For the sake of symplicity let's say this tea expresses…the full palette of available…golds/yellows. (Because that is the name of the tea, and although I do have a wild imagination, I am not, in fact, a possessor of the trait of synesthesia).

This is the tea I turn to when I don't want the strength of a black tea, but I do want a smooth, fragrant flavor. It's the tea I turn to when I want to casually, delicately, slam back two full cups of the stuff in under two hours. It's what I call a tea that is easy to drink. If I could guess intelligently, I would say it is low on tannins. 

When I first encountered this new favorite, it was at the 2012 Northwest Tea Festival. A lady from Teahouse Kuan Yin handed me a sample packet of loose leaves and warned me that the tea had been mislabeled. When I first tasted it, I was sure it was an oolong, but an oolong that I actually enjoyed. So I was kicking back cup after cup until the sample was gone, thinking "I finally found an oolong I like. I need more." But when I visited Teahouse Kuan Yin and asked them to help me find it, I learned that it was in fact, Gold Yunnan, a black tea from China. (The part that had been mislabelled was just the subtitle, which had declared it as Gold Yunnan: A Taiwanese Assam. I knew that couldn't be correct, as Assam is a region in India, Yunnan is a province in China, and Taiwan is, well, Taiwan. A tea can't really be all three at once unless it is a blend.)

So anyway, now I have a whole bag of this wonderful stuff. And if you want to taste it, come on over.

Sense of Foreboding

I'm not sure when it happened but recently I realized that I often view some of the things I have to do as "something I just have to get through." I'll look at my schedule for the coming weeks and think something like this: "Oh, that event/party/parade/vacation or whatever…I just have to make it through that and then I'll be fine." 

I'm wondering if this is what it's like to get older.

I'm more likely to have a sense of dread about events that have a big facet of the unknown to them. Like I'm going to an unfamiliar place, or where there will be a lot of people I don't know. The thought is: "what the heck am I going to have to deal with?" And this sense of uncertainity triggers the sense that somehow I'm going to have a hard time getting through it.

The good news is that the more I force myself into situations I'm uncomfortable with, the better I'm able to face life and its unknowns with a sense of purpose and courage.

Value Judgments and Social Media

Recently I posted something to the effect that making judgments causes us misery. With this notion in mind, I examined my use of social media. While on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr etc, I am compelled to make dozens of decisions per minute about whether or not I "like" something or have an comment-worthy (or share-worthy or reblog-worthy or retweet-worthy) opinion about it. Not only am I using my own judging sense, I'm being subjected to other peoples' opinions about what's worthy of my time and attention. All this agreeing, disagreeing, liking, disliking, etc makes my brain buzz with value judgments, hundreds if not thousands of them a day. And I can tell you from experience I'm a lot happier when I can brush off opinions and just rest in what is.

In a nutshell, social media compells me to put a value filter on everything. And that often makes me rather grumpy. So my summer goal is Less Social Media.

I have a beautiful backyard with a hammock. Come visit me sometime.

And just in case you did want my opinion:

It's my belief that reducing thoughts that mentally make us separate from others is the key to contentment. (I'm aware that's just my opinion and you may disagree). All the same, we naturally fall into the habit of judging, and there's no need to beat ourselves up about it. That's just how it is, and one can strive to be more mindful of one's judging, or not. I'd argue that being mindful of when you are putting a value filter on things can lead to a happier, more peaceful state of mind, even if you can't eliminate the judging itself.

Spot the Pattern

I need to read the same thing from multiple sources before it finally occurs to me to put it all together and internalize the message. So in a marvelous coming together of resources, nearly every book I’ve read recently is saying the same basic thing in different ways.

See if you can detect the pattern:

“All we need to do is pay attention. We don’t have to decide if something is good or bad, right or wrong.  We don’t need to have judgments about what kind of person we are because we have certain kinds of thoughts of thoughts or feelings or reactions. That is the road to suffering. Our job is quite different: Just notice. What is happening right now? We notice this, then this, then that, then that… We pay attention to all of it. Where is the suffering?”

– Suffering is Optional, by Cheri Huber

“The Indian philosopher J. Krishnamurti once remarked that observing without evaluating is the highest form of human intelligence. When I first read this statement, the thought, “What nonsense!” shot through my mind before I realized that I had just made an evaluation. For most of us, it is difficult to make observations, especially of people and their behavior, that are free of judgment, criticism, or other forms of analysis.”

– Nonviolent Communication, by Marshall Rosenberg

“In a Zen kitchen, you do not compare or judge one apple as better than another. Every piece of food is unique unto itself, and every item of food is to be cherished without comparison.” – The Mystic Cookbook, by Denise Linn and Meadow Linn

“The Great Way is not difficult;

It only avoids picking and choosing.

When love and hate are both absent,

Everything becomes clear and undisguised.

Make the smallest distinction, however,

And heaven and earth are set infinitely apart.

If you wish to see the truth,

Then hold no opinions for or against anything.

To set up what you like against what you dislike

Is a disease of the mind.

When the deep meaning of things is not understood,

The mind’s essential peace is disturbed to no avail.

The Way is perfect like vast space,

Where nothing is lacking and nothing is in excess

Indeed, it is due to our choosing to accept or reject

That we do not see the true nature of things.

Live neither in the entanglements of outer things

Nor in inner feelings of emptiness.

Be serene in the oneness of things

And such erroneous views will disappear by themselves.

To deny the reality of things

Is to miss their reality;

To assert the emptiness of things

Is to miss their reality.

The more you talk and think about it,

The further astray you wander from the truth.

Stop talking and thinking

And there is nothing that you will not be able to know.

-The Faith Mind Sutra: Verses on the Unfailing Source of Life, by Master Sengcan (J. Sozan).

So continuing in this theme, I will neither comment nor judge the preceding quotes. I simply present them to you, to make of what you will.

Grass is Always Greener for the Other Mother

Sometimes I read in the news about women in developing nations, and how access to birth control is a life saver for them. It provides them with freedom from the incessant demands of motherhood so that they can pursue an education or career. Or even just simply have some time for themselves in a world where their health and energy are constantly being sucked dry by an infant.

And then I recall doing a mental, meditative body scan a couple of weeks after I got an IUD installed. My uterus told me it was sad that I’m not letting it do any more of what it was put here in my body to do.

I tried to reason with my uterus. I told it, “It’s not practical. We don't have room for another kid in this house. We will barely be able to afford college for one, and certainly not two. Besides I’m too old.”

But my heart took the side of my uterus, and I cried anyway, logic and reason be damned. I cried for the life I will never know…the life of a woman who has the freedom to procreate again and again, nurse babies one after the other, meet each unique child, and mother them so hard it kills her. I’m trapped in a sea of cultural expectations that demand that I have only healthy children (not the ones with birth defects more common in older mothers), that demand that each child have his or her own room, that demand I be able to provide not just love and food and shelter, but piano lessons and a college education.

Despite my mild despair over this issue, I am grateful to be living where I am, and sincerely expect to have no regrets over my decision to use birth control. I’m grateful for the benefits of living in the United States of America, with a husband who can provide for us, and as a stay at home mother of one beautiful daughter.

We are all Unique. Yeah I can finally admit it.

You know how when you listen to a popular song, you recognize (on some level) the structure of the song…verse, chorus, verse, chorus, bridge, verse variant, chorus? And you know when something varies from that structure widely that somehow it is no longer “fits” the pop music genre anymore? In fact, you might even call it experimental music.

Here, you can listen to some background music while you read the rest:

Let’s apply this concept to writing, specifically, modern journalism and blog entries. There’s a pattern to popular articles also.

It typically starts with a personal story, either about the author or about some other relatable figure. Let’s imagine a person named Mary Smith, with two small children. They live near a nuclear waste dump and Mary is concerned about the effects of the waste on her children. So after we’ve been sucked into the article via this tactic, the author broadens the scope of the article. He gives us the background and history, and interviews people from “both sides” of the situation. And eventually at the end of the article, he gets back to Mary and her situation. Recognize the pattern?

Ok. So what happens with articles that don’t fit the pattern? Are they still “good” articles that are worth your time? Or do you think the writer doesn’t know what he or she is doing?

Let’s take this article for example. I sucked you in not with a personal story about myself or some other named individual. I just talked about music song structures, with the idea that it would help you understand the article pattern concept when I got around to writing about it. Then I “failed” to provide you with history. Who was the first person to write articles with the pattern I’m describing? Heck, I don’t know, and I’m too lazy to research that. And so far, I have also failed to provide you with a conflicting viewpoint, so that you can feel like you’ve gotten a balanced perspective. Instead I’m going to rant.

It upsets me that I live in a time and place where the offerings of our people’s artists, musicians and writers are commoditized and usually only appreciated fully by large numbers of people if they fit into a recognizable pattern. In tribal cultures, you don’t get the option to “like” the dance that the Shaman is doing to heal the boil on your ass. You don’t get to write an Amazon review on the drum circle that is putting your Bokor in a voodoo trance or Yelp about the packet of healing herbs you just received from your witch doctor. Why we can’t just appreciate non-standard writing, music and art without people thinking we are weird for liking it is rather irritating. And our creative notions must apparently be condensed into a brief LOLcat style internet meme, or risk being ignored.

I like my seven year-old’s opinion on this, which she explained after belting out one of her own off-key compositions. She basically said, “If it's your own song, you can do it however you want.”

One of my favorite off-key singers:

Which brings me to the argument I usually get from people when I complain about this sort of thing, which goes along the lines of “People do art/music/writing/etc for themselves because they enjoy it or feel compelled to do it, and a real artist doesn’t care what people think about it.” But that’s not what I’m really getting at here. I’m not talking about making the art. That’s the easy part. The problem comes when you share it. If your core motivation for sharing your art is to connect with other people, then suddenly what other people think (and whether or not they deem your missives worthy of their time) is of utmost importance. Your child might make dozens of drawings, but the one she shows you is the one you need to regard carefully, asking yourself: “Why does she think I need to see this? What is she hoping I will get from this?” You may scoff and think that all a child wants is attention and praise (and think the same of any adult who tries to share their art or writing with you), but look deeper. If every time my child hands me a drawing it shows the two of us together with a heart shape between us, I can see she is trying to express her love. So…might not the rest of the people in the world be trying to do something similar? The person singing, playing guitar and selling his CD down at Pike Place Market…is he just looking for attention and money? Or might he be trying to find like-minded people who appreciate what he has to offer, and in a roundabout way, showing his love for his audience by performing the best he can?

If you ask anyone to examine their deepest goals and motivations, the vast majority would likely tell you that they want to love and be loved, and share whatever unique gifts they have with the world while they are here. The key word there is unique. We are all different. We don’t fit into a boilerplate pattern and our creative output should not be expected to fit a formula either.

Now if you’ve got the counterpoint, I’d love to hear it.

P.S. One thing I hinted at but didn’t explore fully was the connection between healing and creativity. Maybe another article.

I'm a Killjoy

When I was a girl I asked for martial arts lessons and was told not to bother with them because knowing taekwondo won’t help me a bit if my opponent has a gun. During a recent conversation with the people who raised me, I realized where I get my killjoy tendencies.

I’ve always got an excuse not to act on something I believe in or to try something I want do. I’ve got excuses for why I shouldn’t publish my novels, why I shouldn’t bother signing up for a meditation retreat, or travel to Europe this summer. For example:

--it’s too hard

--it takes too much time and money

--I can’t find enough people to support me, or watch my kid for me, etc.

--someone will not like it and get angry and fight with me and I don’t need that stress in my life

--it’s not worth the effort unless it’s successful and I have no guarantee it will be

--even if it is successful, I am not sure I want the notoriety and attention that comes with success

--I don’t want to be typecast as “that person who…”

--it might require physical hardship and I’m a wimp

--there’s surely some other reason I shouldn’t do whatever it is, and if I dare do it, I will find out the reason, too late.

So I’m talking with these people who raised me about an idea I had to try to get OTC medication education in high schools, and they had a pile of reasons why my idea was no good and why I shouldn’t bother with it. It was like listening to myself try to talk myself out of something.

Fascinating, I thought. No wonder I haven’t amounted to much. I still don’t think I can.

I’m so used to my concerns being dismissed that sometimes I just disrespect my own needs and desires before someone else can. I guess that’s called “shooting oneself in the foot,” and I’ve been accused before of doing that…by the people who raised me. Awesome.

Where do we go from here then? Recognizing that I tend to view things in the most negative way possible, I can shrug and say “that’s how it is, but it doesn’t have to stop me.” And in fact, it hasn’t. I still do just what I want to do every day. I craft time alone and time with others with a strong sense of pursuing my own agenda as much as possible. But my agenda isn’t always writing, art or vacation planning. Sometimes it is the subtle art of running errands, or recipe planning, or deciding what yarn will be crafted into what wearable object. Sometimes I light a candle or some incense as a statement of purpose and intent toward pursuing my aims toward their highest potential. Sometimes I turn on my computer and cook some self-referential meant-to-inspire-and-enlightened stew of words into a frothy, bubbled-over mess like this one.

Anyhow, I hope that whoever reads this might see some morsel of usefulness in it. I’m optimistic that way, at least.