"[I]f people keep asking you for help, then you must give it to them rather than thinking, 'No, I’d much rather be sitting in my study having that lovely warm glow.'" - Karen Armstrong, from Compassion Restored.
I haven't had a paying job since before my daughter was born in 2005. In her early years, I was too overwhelmed to even think about anything beyond getting myself and my kid through the day, alive and well. When she started school, I started volunteering. And I learned some interesting things during the course of it.
I think of myself as an inherently selfish person. If given the opportunity between spending an evening home alone listening to music, or spending the evening volunteering (even at an awesome event like SeaCompression), I tend to choose the former. It's easy, it's a known entity. Any fear I feel in my own company is easily abated with a warm bath and some glowing candles. But out in the world, doing things, can be rather frightening. I know this, and yet…I still find myself gravitating more and more toward helping out where I can, even if it means putting my own desires to the side for a while.
I've heard some say that volunteering is addicting and I've wondered why. Supposedly there is some kind of "feel good" thing that is supposed to be going on in the minds and hearts of those who give to others. But I don't think that's really what's happening to me. It's more like the work I do for others -- especially if I do a lot of it -- distracts me from my own sad storyline and burns some new, more positive, neural pathways. And I view writing and sharing what I've written as a kind of charity also, if even one person is able to use what I've written to feel better, get inspired, or learn something.
I know others who struggle with just how much to give of themselves and their time. It's a common notion that people, especially women and mothers, practically martyr themselves to help raise their families and care for aging relatives. But imagine all this in a new light. Imagine you are one of these martyrs. You are annoyed because it's been so long since you've actually managed to read a book all the way through or engage in a favorite hobby, because you've got a little screamer clinging to your leg, and/or an older relative constantly calling for help. And now take that annoyance and throw it out the the window. Because it is time to reframe your situation in a more positive light.
Your thoughts are the only thing that are making you annoyed. It isn't other people. They are just trying to get by in the world as best as they know how. Have some compassion for yourself for a moment. You have it rough! Cry for yourself. Now think of those people who need you. They have it rough too. There are things they wish they could do for themselves, but can't. If you take your time to help them, you aren't actually losing anything. You aren't. Honestly. When you look back on your life from the perspective of your deathbed, you aren't going to think "gosh if only I had managed to watch that whole TV series I really wanted to see" or "I wasted too much of my time taking old Grandma to her doctor's appointments." No. You won't think that. (And I suspect if you do, you are going to experience the leave-taking of your soul at the moment of death as a kind of chainsaw ripping through your body.)
Souls are connected to one another. They care for one another. That's what they are here for. By helping others, we can better recognize the web that weaves us together in the fabric of life.
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