Let's get together

I consider everyone I’ve ever met to be a friend, so long as we’ve connected on some level or another, and they haven’t shown overt signs of disliking me. With most people, all it takes for me to connect with them is a discussion of things common to all humans: food, ailments, emotions. But I’m finding that’s not enough for many of the people I naively thought were my friends. I get excluded and ignored for things I can’t always fathom. Perhaps... 

• I don’t watch the right TV shows. 
• I remind them of their ex, because we all used to hang out together and now he’s not in the picture. 
• I’m not the same religion (or anti-religion) as them. 
• I have a child who I often need to bring along with me on social outings, and they would rather not have her around. 
• I like to try to help people with their problems, rather than let them wallow in self-pity. 
• They think I wouldn’t be interested in coming to their party, because I’m generally shy, and perhaps I bailed on them the last time they invited me.

And who knows what else. I want to find the base level of connection with everyone. I can care about you even if all I know is that you’re hurting. Sure it would be nice if I could meet someone who liked the same entertainments as me, or who could keep up with my continually shifting spate of interests. But in today’s world, this is unlikely to happen, and I’ve mostly accepted that.

Over the past year I’ve begun helping more strangers through various volunteer groups. This is more healing for me than sitting at home, cultivating a Balkanized world of online presences to express the disparate sides of myself, or trying to keep alive friendships that no one else thinks are worth bothering with.

I hope I can merge the varied personas that have come to represent me -- mother, knitter, artist, novelist, tech writer, poet, animanga enthusiast, hula hooper, crafter, singer, songwriter, music lover, meditator, pansexual, spiritual anti-seeker, and more – the same way I hope to merge with the people and the world around me.

I just want to exist in this world, expressing myself in a compassionate way, helping in any way I can, and perhaps one of you might find some sense of the familiar in the web of connection I’m slowly weaving.  If you do, let’s get together for tea sometime.

In the meantime, smack me if I ever post about this topic again.